Ugh!!!!! Man, today was tough, and I have a raging headache moving steadily into a migraine to prove it. While the day was tough, tonight was tougher, and the tears poured pretty steady as I tried to work my way back from the brink. Anyone would think I'd have tapped myself out in the tears department by now, as surely the well must be almost dry.
Obviously not.... -.- hmmm....
Ok, I am definitely turning my phone off for the next 7 days. I simply cannot be ruled by an infernal piece of technology such as this...which seems to manipulate my internal workings with the ease that a remote changes channels. Damn it all to hell, anways!!
Now that I have that out of my system, I hope to feel better. I want to spend the next 7 days focusing on me, the kids, my mom, my sister, Gabbers, my life, happiness, joy, love, peace, stillness, my connection to the One...and all that jazz. Cool beans. Now, if I can just DO that, all will be hellacious.
Weeeelllll...at least one good thing happened today. I got my Yota back!!!! and she is runningly fabulously to boot. It is so weird having a working clutch, and I am still trying to get used to it. I have jumped out of parking spaces and into traffic all day...ha ha ha....which probably makes me look like a teenager that just got her license...but who cares?! I love, love, love my truck! and I am soooo happy to have her back. She takes such good care of me...lol. They even fixed the busted bolts on my exhaust manifold, so she is purring like a kitten again. Now, if I could only get out that smell of carb and break cleaner that permeated the inside of the truck as they worked on my clutch...but it isn't too bad really, and serves to remind me of how lucky I am to have her back in working condition. Now that I think about it, it does make me wonder if the chemical fumes haven't added to my growing headache, tho...ooooh well, such is life.
I wanted to get a walk in today, but there was a dusting of snow on the ground early this morning. Not that such a small thing would stop me, but the temp was 14 with a wind chill factor of 4, so I opted out. The long walk to the park in the wind actually freezes my skin through my pants and leaves my face raw and burned, so I went without today. I am hoping that temps climb up a little tomorrow, or that the wind dies down. Gabby was bummed about not getting out, but she has been riding shotgun to school in the morning, so she's not cut off from freedom completely. Speaking of her, I gotta get some pics of her as a pup posted on here so the world can see the cuteness I'm talking about. She is absolutely irresistable, except when she isn't...ha ha.
I was to have dinner with Elizabeth tonight, but met with Max instead. I did get to sit with her and Glenna afterward during services, so I was thankful for that. As I showed up with my tear-stained face, they reached out to guide me to a seat between them, which they had saved. After sitting down and giving Glenna a hug, I put one of my hands into each of theirs and we said a prayer together. We heard tonight the young couple that announced they were pregnant on Sunday went to the doctor today and couldn't find the baby's heartbeat. They will return to the doctor in a few days to check again, so we all gathered together to pray for them and the baby. I don't know why I was surprised that there were so many men openly crying in grief. I guess it is the stereotype I was raised with...and am working hard to get over.
I would just love to get back to my life, whatever that means, or is. I want to start writing stories again, but can't for the life of me figure out about what. I need some creative juices to start flowing, and am starting to visualize stabbing myself with a sharp straw like the kind you use to puncture Capri Sun bags...lol. Maybe I want to write about horror and psychological thrills....like Dean Koontz. I think the story he wrote about the omnipresent primordial ooze was pretty killer. Damn if I can remember the name of that book....? I am still searching for the title. I also liked his rendition of the the rapture or second coming, called The Taking....good stuff, right there. I could easily dive off that deep end. ;D
As I look around me, I see lives changing. I know that most of us are growing, if for no other reason than pain is involved. Growth rarely happens without pain. Ahhh, but to numb the pain would be wonderful, but I have spent too many moments of my life doing that and now cannot slip into that once-sweet oblivion without being hyper-aware of my obvious subterfuge. I guess the ruse is up....and good riddance.
Until next time...
No comments:
Post a Comment