Well, today was the day. I finally had enough tragedy and tears. Enough hurt and torment. Enough heartbreak and repentance. So, I gave up and gave in....
And now that I have, I've never felt better. More free. Closer to God and more myself than I have in years. I didn't think I could do it, but I guess you never can tell what you are capable of until someone pushes you to your limit. After numerous bullying and threatening texts, I had finally had enough, and I agreed to fill out and sign the divorce papers. It wasn't worth fighting to be with someone who was willing to lie and damage me and my family to get what they want.
I was disappointed and resentful at first that I was stuck, once again, with doing all the work in filing a divorce that I never wanted. But, that has been the role I've willingly accepted in our relationship all along, so I realized that in this it should be no different. I have worked and worked, from the day we met, to bring us together against insurmountable odds, and move us forward through a life fraught with obstacles that would crush a lesser person. There wasn't anything I didn't do for him, including encouraging him to think only of himself. I should regret that I did, but I don't and never will. Love means nothing until it is given away freely.
There were times along the way that I was convinced that he'd found someone else. Even if it were true, it wouldn't have mattered to me. I was willing to work through anything. In the end, I kept my dignity and never said those words to him. Instead, I let him go. I figured if there was someone else, then that is something that he will have to live with. The secrets he kept from me, and from himself, are a matter that is best left between him and God.
I am free to worship God in the way I was born to, and can now lay myself down at night in peace, knowing that I gave it my all, and forgave everything. All my regrets are gone, like feathers carried away in the wind.
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