The First Day of the New Year

Ahhh....today is the first day of the new year. This isn't exactly how I pictured starting out the year...but I will just have to work with it.

I finally finished my financial stuff for school and have that out of the way. I am hoping that it will pay the bills for the next few months while I figure out what to do with myself. Until then, I will just have to wing it. In turning my life over to God, only He can know what it is that I need to do from here on out. I am kind of eager to find out what He has in store for me.

The new year service at the church was really good. There was music and singing for hours, with lots of testimonials in between. It was really good to hear the stories of others, which brought me a lot closer to them, and to God. I listened to Jackie's parents tell of their hard times, how they had separated after he returned from tours in Iraq, and how they didn't know what was going to happen to them. Her dad was filled with anger and didn't know why, and her mother was distraught and didn't know what else to do but leave. Their story really struck a chord in me, and gave me hope. As I listened, I cried without really knowing why. I wasn't sad, and couldn't find any particular thing that forced my tears. As their story finished, Jackie came to sit next to me, offering me a hug and her closeness. She is such a sweet girl. Glenna had asked me to sit next to her and her husband Dave during the service, so I also got to sit next to Laura (her husband is Greg, from the couples class?) who is a very talented singer/songwriter that I really enjoyed listening to. I heard tell that she has a CD out, which I would love to find.

When the service was over, Jacob's wife (I can't remember her name, either, but she also has a lovely singing voice while her husband plays the guitar) came to sit with Jackie and I, offering her fellowship. She asked if there was anything that I needed her to pray for me, and I told her that while things were a struggle for me, that I was more concerned about Todd than myself. I know that things are hard for me, but I cannot imagine how hard they must be for him. He seems to be alone in this situation, where I have family and a growing body of friends. I can get through anything right now, knowing that Christ strengthens me. But where does this leave him?

The passages that were read during testimonies were very touching, but one spoke directly to me. It was a line from a book that one of the men had read, saying that all that was required was to 'show up.' While we always know the spirit is strong, the flesh is weak and often unwilling. The crux of that situation lies in merely 'showing up' physically and mentally, so that the spirit can take over. Jacob's wife said she also struggles with making her body and mind be willing to come and do, so I offered to pray for her. I know what it is like to stop and take inventory before committing to something, which often leads us to deciding not to move forward as we should. I asked that she do the same for me, since I struggle with not wanting to go and do as I should, as well.

So, I made it home in time to break things up between the girls. I don't understand why everything always has to be a battle between them. All they have to do is be in one another's presence and they are ready to maim each other. Once that was quieted down, I read more in my new book, then decided I was plenty tired enough to go to bed. Dani and Jac stayed up until at least 6 this morning, then I heard Jac talking to her dad on the phone around 8:30, and not sounding happy. I guessed he wanted her to get back home so they could get going back to Utah, and I was right. I drove her back to the old house by myself, talking to her about things along the way. I told her that she could come and stay with us as long as she liked, if her dad would ever consent. She said since her dad was still single and creepin on me now that he knows Todd and I have split, that I should mention it to him, so I did. He didn't seem unpleased with the idea, so maybe after the quarter is over on the 15th, he will let her come back and stay with us. For Dani's sake, I hope he does.

Weird that I got a text from Alex last night, telling me happy new year and that he still loves me. This morning, I got a text from Chas as well. I hope to get together with her sometime today or tomorrow and hang out with her and Cole for a while. She told me Michael got arrested the other day for fighting, and I know that she's bummed about that. Jessie got back from MEPS day before yesterday, stressing about whether he passed the drug test they gave him, since he was hanging out at Saul's the day before he left. I hope they give him the results soon so he doesn't have to stress any more. I am proud of him for having taken this big step, and I hope it all works out for him the way he wants. He scored an 89 on his testing, with an overall of 76, which is really good. I pray that it all comes together for him.

Well, I guess it's time to get on with the rest of my day. Gabby is impatient to get down to the river for her romp, so I'm outta here......