This was written January 13th
So things have been quiet since the blowup the other day. Todd's been to a couple of counseling sessions, started taking his antidepressants, and seems to be evening out some. I'm not sure where he's at with anything right now. All I know is what has happened over the last four days or so, and that's that he flipped out, calmed down a bit, and has been kinda quiet and weirdly okay ever since. The two separate counselors that he saw both told him that he should leave the house (the second also told him to remove his guns from the house and leave them with someone he trusts...obviously not me). I told him that he should do what he thinks is best for himself...and that if leaving is what it took to be okay, then by all means, do it. He said he didn't want to, and that he was pushing that option away...which I didn't understand at all. Maybe it's because I reminded him before he went to counseling about the promises he made when he came back into our lives...that he wouldn't run..that he would work things through...that he wouldn't just walk away again without even trying...but I'm beginning to wonder if I didn't do more harm than good by reminding him of such things. Now I can't tell if he's staying because he wants to and is safe and secure here, or if he's staying because he made the commitment to do so. Fuck.
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