What the Day Holds

June 19 ~
"Where the hell are we NOW?!" Ugh. I can feel the dolby surround sound echoing those words into the silence as I contemplate the clusterfuck that is my personal inventory. I sit in my sanctuary, having finished the day's work, and give thoughful consideration to that question. Truly, where are we? If I had to put my finger on it, I'd give a resounding

I pretty much don't like where I'm at today. Mr. Unavailable is no more available than before, except maybe in spirit, which means naught. I have gone so far as to propose to him, and although he says he doesn't want to say no, he can't say yes at this point either. So I have offered to step back and wait. I don't know what this means for him, but he has to know that I can't bring my life to a standstill as I wait for him to figure things out. I can do no more than offer to hear him out in the future, no matter where my life may lead me. This I can do.

As for Mr. Wonderful...well, does anyone stay perfectly wonderful forever? Aren't we all destined to slip and fall from the pedestal others have placed us on? In this regard, he is better than most. He is still kind and loving, but has shown an impatient temper on subjects that he normally keeps close to vest. He tries his best to listen before deciding whether or not he should get upset, which is good. However, because of the talk of divorce (after all, there is no divorce until the actual petition has been filed...and one hasn't been filed yet by either party). In the span of a few weeks it has gone from 'I'm gonna introduce you to my kids and we are gonna do this' to 'well, my wife is a psycho bitch that is controlling my life and terrorizing me and the kids...and btw, she also has your name and pic and knows where you work.' Nice.