Oh, Dani, you are so right. I am not the same....and I have only God to thank for that.
Today was a real eye-opener for me. I had been operating for so long under the assumption that small lies were okay, so long as there was good reason for it. I can't lie to God, and I have no one to fear but Him...so, there is not a single reason in the world good enough for me to continue to do it. Even lying by not saying anything is still lying.
Ok, so here it goes....I have lied about some really important things. The first lie was my unfaithfulness to my husband. I cannot justify and rationalize away the right and wrong of it by trying to belittle my crime. I will not use the facts of the situation to paint me in a better light. I committed a sin against my husband, but more than that, against God. The second and third lies involved money. I lied about using my husband's account to make unauthorized purchases. I did these things without telling him, either that I was going to do them, or that I had done them. The last lie was a pretty important one concerning health issues.
I won't try to explain why I did the things I did. It doesn't change the fact that I did them, or that they hurt a person I care about very much. What it comes down to is, I lied, and I will not try to stand before my husband or before God and try to place blame anywhere else but on myself.
I am praying to God tonight to give me the courage to face my husband tomorrow and tell him the things I have kept to myself. It is going to be tough, but no tougher than facing myself as I asked for God's help to make it through. I am coming to realize that all people fear not being perfect, and that we struggle against imperfection on a daily basis. We are up against a mighty enemy in our spiritual warfare, that is for sure, and our biggest weakness lies in our very human nature.
No humor today. Too serious a subject here. I hope to be able to get back to finding humor and laughter in the everyday, but for now I will settle for a clear conscience.
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