Tis Christmas Day

Ah, yes, tis Christmas day...

Dani didn't want to get up this morning. Probably stayed up late. As it was, I didn't drag my ass out of bed til 8:30, so I'm probably not one to talk. Had it not been for getting the turkey and ham in the oven, I most likely wouldn't have cared. Buuuut, we finally got the fat shits in the oven and dinner was on its merry way. Yeeeaaah.

Sometime yesterday I lost my phone. I don't remember putting it down underneath my folded clothes in the closet and turning it off...but I must have (right? hmmm...-.-). Anyway, I finally found it and turned it on. I had received like 6 or 8 texts, and one voice mail. The voice mail was from James, saying Merry Christmas. I thought about calling him back, since he sounded so sad, but in the end I didn't. I just didn't know what to say. If I had called him back before dinner, I would have felt I had to invite him over. I didn't want to do that. Now that dinner is over, I don't really want to call him back, either. This thing with him is in a really odd place. I love him dearly, but I cannot be around him or even talk to him without being uncomfortable. I don't want to for many reasons, but mostly because he just isn't good for me. He won't stop using, and I have made the choice to not put myself in situations with people who continue to use. This seals the fate of our friendship. It is tragic, but it is the truth. I truly believe that even if he stopped using, we would never be able to have a close friendship again. I suppose I am just not as comfortable as I once was in the close and intimate company of another man. Maybe that means I am changing, but hopefully it means that I am maturing. I don't see things quite the way I used to.

I sent out texts to all my family and friends, wishing them a Merry Christmas. I got one from Scott Heaps (Linda's husband, Jesse's dad in Colorado), Veronica (my fave niece), Jon (tool...ha ha), Kendra (my nail girl), and my sister. I sent ones to Alex Jr., Alex Sr., Amber, Veronica, Roxanne, Megan, Jaclyn, Chas, Glenna (from church), Luke, Crystal (my other niece), and Todd. I got one back from everyone except Todd. I didn't really expect to get one back from him, though. Why, I'm not sure. I even sent him one asking if he wanted us to send him a plate of food...but still no response. I like to bullshit myself by saying that he probably had his phone turned off, but I think I know better than that. As he's said before, he just doesn't know what to say. While that is a reasonable response, he didn't have any problem responding last night when I told him that his unemployment payments started coming into the bank account. He answered back quick enough about that. I understand that he is in a place of pain and hurt....and I will just have to learn to continue giving him space....but, really, I am hurting too.

So, imagine hustle and bustle in the kitchen, cooking mustard greens, parmesan/mozarella potatoes, green beens, and gravy, and you have an idea of how the rest of the morning went. I cooked the greens, but Dani was at the helm for the rest of the food. We put in the alien movie (something 9...dang, can't ever remember the name...?) and got about half-way through it before Matt and Sharon got here. They brought over a plate of cookies and candy, and a cherry pie. I love pie. Yes, I do. By the time I had the ham and turkey all cut up and ready to serve, we decided it was time to eat, even though Clay and his gang hadn't made it here yet. About the time everyone grabs a plate, they were walking in the door. It was good to see Megan, Keelie, Declan, Laura, and baby Gunner. I was so happy to have them all here under our roof.

Dinner was really good. Mom helped me with all the cleaning and keeping things in order before, during, and after dinner. She was really pleasant for most of the day. I was thankful for that. The food was spectacular, and since we didn't make too many dishes, we were able to keep from overeating...mostly. We all sat in comfortable groups around the kitchen and living room, then got out games and cards to play. During all this we cut and handed round the pies, pecan and cherry. Man, do I love pie. Afterward, Clay and I came back to the bathroom to survey the carnage there, and Laura came back to feed little Gunner. As we talked, Clay lay down on the bed and passed out, then Laura laid down with him for a few minutes to cat nap and I went back to the kitchen. Kat and Josh kept baby Gunner entertained for quite a while and then we put in Angels and Demons to watch. Megan and Dani fell out on the papasan chairs, Matt & Sharon got together on the couch, Kat, Josh & Gunner were on the floor, and I had the love seat to myself. About the time I was trying to move the Christmas tree over a bit to see the TV, it decided to fall over....ha ha...but I got it back up again, mostly....The movie was pretty good, too, lots of action and intrigue....

Now, everyone has finally gone home. I sent the tupperware with food home with Sharon, asking that she give it to Todd, along with a VocRehab letter about his upcoming spring courses. They were very nice to come and hang out with us for the day. It felt really good to have so much family here in our house. This year Christmas was a much better affair than it has ever been in the past and I am grateful to God for blessing me with so much.

Now, if only Mom would quit with her childish temper tantrums, like slamming doors cuz she can't find her playing cards, I could settle in and have a peaceful evening with just the kids. Grr! That woman! Sometimes I have to remember that around age 35 we start going backwards in time (maturity), so she is probably around the age of a 8 year old right now. Dani is laying down in her room, probably tired and not feeling so well, so it really ticked me off that she slammed the door to Dani's room. I probably went a little overboard yelling at her and slamming the cards down on the kitchen table when I found them a few minutes later, but I don't tolerate destructive behavior very well when I'm the one who is stuck with doing all the home repairs around here. Ok...just breathe.... in...out...in ....out....and remember that stress is normal around the holidays....and I should be fine.

Ok, a little humor should help me get back into the right frame of mind, so here goes:

I have just shit myself...its ok though, I'm wearing your underwear.