It's Like Heaven

Oh....but he was wrong. Katherine is just like me, very trusting and loyal to a fault. We are one of a kind, me and her, loving as though we've never been hurt and giving our all to another person without any reservations. I caught myself almost telling her tonight as she baked her heavenly perfection cookies that she should be very careful with her heart. After only a moment, I stopped myself. I don't want her to be careful, just as I don't want to be careful myself. Hearts are meant to be given away fully, and to not do so would cheat both herself and the person she gives it to. So....I smiled and came to my room, happy to come to my bed, with its newly changed, clean sheets. Clean sheets are the most wonderful thing in the world, next to a girl giving her heart away. It's like heaven...

Dani and I got to catch an Avs game tonight. Thank goodness it was a live game, otherwise I'd have to kill Jon for ruining another game for us. Grrr! They were playing the Ducks tonight and managed to keep a decent lead until the end of the 3rd period, when they gave 4 shots away, resulting in a 4-2 game. I can't wait until the playoffs. Hot wings and more hot wings. Dani is trying to talk me into a road trip to go and catch the Avs live. If only...but I suppose it can't hurt to pray about it...right? It reminded me that Chas asked if I wanted to go down to Mexico for a week with her in April. Well, hell yeah I want to go! It's worth making a few sacrifices, and if I plan things right, I may even be able to talk my sister into going. She and Bob should be here sometime mid or late March, but I don't know that she would want to leave Beau for seven days. Regardless, I could use the vacation, and Puerto Vallerta sounds like someplace I would love to get away to as a girls only retreat.

I finally finished painting in Dani's room today, and all that is left is putting transition strips in the doorways and cutting and hanging base. The room seems bigger and more put together now, if only they could learn to keep their crap up off the floor. I am so glad to have it done, and am hoping that it helps with their allergies and sinus problems. The only big project I have left right now is the dang shower in my bathroom, which I think can wait until after Christmas. I will have to shop in Missoula for the shower surround and new fixtures, so it will definitely have to wait. Maybe there will be a sale on the day after Christmas...

I heard today that I can go pick up my truck tomorrow. The exhaust manifold is ordered and won't be in for a couple of weeks. Sounds like it is running, and that's basically all I can ask for. God has been very good to me these last few weeks, and for that I am grateful. The challenges of the last month were tests of my faith, and I have leaned heavily on my Father when times were hard. Now that things are getting easier, I am no less grateful than before, knowing that all good things come straight from Him. I try to read new passages every day, and look up verses that I hear about on SOS or CSN radio while I am in the car running errands. I know it isn't the same as Bible study, but it will have to do for now since there are no studies for the next two weeks due to holidays. I look forward to getting back on to a regular schedule after the holidays, and not just with study, but with all things in my life. I have let too many things go over the last few months, and it is time I get back to the things that matter.

On that subject, I am finding more joy every day. It is hard to understand exactly why, but I guess I had already envisioned the worst case scenario and no longer have any fear. I used to fear being alone or being abandoned, but now that it has happened, I am walking through it and it isn't as bad as I thought it would be. I no longer feel guilt over doing the things that matter to me, and that is a huge relief. What was once work, has now become my passion. I am not so easily frustrated, and can smile and laugh with ease.

I still get irritated with Jessie, but that is all him and has little to do with how I am handling things. He is in a place of limbo, and feeling guilty about his lack of motivation. He is back to the waiting game again, waiting for the day of enlistment and the month of shipping out to Basic. Until then, he has little to do with himself and feels insecure and full of doubt because of it. He doesn't want to participate in household chores or family activities, at least not without harsh words and a fight. Anything that interferes with his sleeping, hanging out with friends, or playing video games causes severe irritation. He has dropped out of college, and now must face dealing with his loans coming due. I have urged him to re-enroll back in school until he ships out, mostly because he can later use those credits, as well as the money it will bring in until he leaves, but he only listens with one ear. He was told by his recruiting officer that he needs to gain 10-15lbs, but he doesn't want to eat, eat, eat, and drink water as he was advised. All that interests his dead brain is the video game on his laptop, and if eating gets in the way of that, well....it can wait. At least in his mind, anyway. Should he blow this chance to enlist, he might not get another for months and months. If that becomes the case, he will have to find another place to live. Hmmm....so, either doing what needs to be done will win out, or his stubborn willfulness will win. He doesn't fully realize it yet, but I am dead set in my resolve to not enable him any longer, so...the choice, and its consequences, will be his.

Seems like Dani and I missed her appointment this morning to see the eye doctor. She is rescheduled for tomorrow, and I hope they give her some Erkel glasses...ha ha. I have an appointment with my counselor tomorrow, and look forward to having him set me up with a case manager. I am eager to get back to work, although I am entering a whole new field. More than anything, I just want to start rebuilding my life. I have already begun the work of doing just that, but still need a push here and there to keep me moving in the right direction. I have seriously been considering how far I want to take my education, and now that my life is a little less complicated, I am leaning more toward finishing my Master's degree. I truly believe that I will have more to offer if I continue on to bigger and better things, and with my family behind me, there isn't any mountain I can't climb.

Ok, now let's get back to some humor for the day:

Don't throw things at people when they're not looking. It's no fun unless you get to see the look on their face just before it hits them.