So, yeah....wtf ever.

All I can say is, yeah...what the fuck ever. That's a sad statement to make, but there it is.

Ok. I've been doing my best to grow, evolve, move on...and allow myself to live life and love as though I've never been hurt. That is the admonition from anyone who wants to give advice to me about how I should approach this whole dating thing. Well, frankly, dating sucks ass. Over and over again, we give out pieces of ourselves to mere strangers. People who we aren't sure we'd share a bus seat with, and yet we are handing them pieces of our lives. Ugh. I am so disgusted right now. Can you tell?


I am back to understanding why the best relationship we can have is with ourselves. It is the most true and rewarding relationship there is to have, and never fails to give back all that we put into it. Acknowledging such, I am making a move at this very moment to dedicate each and every moment of the next six months to me, myself and I. I will spend time with friends and enjoy each and every moment, no matter where it leads me, and be unwilling to consider a one on one relationship with the opposite sex. What else can I do, since I know that I enjoy getting to know others and being social. But I also know that once they get to know me one on one, they push me to do just that (be exclusive). All the sudden I am desirable to the point that they want me for themselves...but I know damn good and well it is a fleeting thing and they will only be interested long enough to get to know any degree of me, then they will change their mind, decide they are too damaged for anything real and lasting, or whatever the hell shit they can come up with, and then they are gone...if not physically, then mentally.


Now, if I can just get past being angry at all of them, then I will realize that who I am most angry is at myself. I am disappointed that life has given me yet another opportunity to know the most incredible creation God has ever made just for me, and that is myself, and I have pissed it away . While I spend time on feeding and clothing this creation, I spend very little time getting to know the inner workings. It is as though I am almost afraid of what I will come to find, as though it won't live up to my own expectations. In all reality, what I come to know will most likely exceed my expectations to a degree thought impossible, most surely. After all, God is perfection, and all we make is perfect. Ok, hopefully this rambling ended more positive than it started. Let's see if I can live up to these high ideals........